Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
It's never too late to be topless.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
you had me at cake vodka
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
