I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
