I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
