It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
you inspire me to be a worse person
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
