his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
