what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Randomize
