My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
