there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
