How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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