Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Randomize
