we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
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