I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
