I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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