Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
