How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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