Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
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