I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
