shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Randomize
