handjob tips. give me some.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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