I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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