it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
This is classic penis vs brain.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
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