I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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