From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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