Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize