Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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