Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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