Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
