nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
