I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
