Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
