"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
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