Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
