Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
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