nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
