my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Randomize
