where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Randomize
