I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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