He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
They have beer where we have blood.
Randomize
