how hairy? two words: wookie tits
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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