She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
