I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
