Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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