totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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