she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
