The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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