I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
