we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
