I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
