Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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