under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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