yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
