I swear she didn't look like that last week.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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