were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
