OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Randomize
