she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
