So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Randomize
