so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
