apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
