i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
