Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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