Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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