You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize