I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
so let's talk penis.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
