Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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