Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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