Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
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