So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Randomize
