While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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