I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
