4 words: hood of his car
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
