If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
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