if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Randomize
