R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Randomize
