the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Randomize
