Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Randomize
