What did we do last night that was yellow?
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Randomize