Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize