so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Be still, my beating vagina.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
