new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
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