Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
