you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Randomize
