so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
