I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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