just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Randomize
