I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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