Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Dear god my vagina.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
