Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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