I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
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