i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
