You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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