I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Randomize
