She's JV to your varsity
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Randomize
