Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
