So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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