my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Randomize
