1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
