That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
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