Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
