Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
