I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
