i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Sponge bath it is.
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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