i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
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